jessica-faye

Just One Day At A Time

By now we all know that growth comes from some of the most painful, uncomfortable or down right screwed up situations. No one really “grows” if everything is going great or even good in their life because why would we want to change in those moments! Oh no, its when the sky falls out right at the worst possible time and you have no other choice but to sit there and look at each step you took and find that crack or see that misstep you knew you should not have taken but did it anyways. After enough self induced torture and still not clear answers you kind of say “OK so I’m out of ideas;” knowing full well that this is when things beyond your insight start directing and stretching and twisting and pulling and yes if you can endure the pain it most likely turns out way more beautiful than you ever thought.

OH THE PAIN THOUGH!

Not a pity party OK.

But at 40 years old am I allowed to stomp around and scream since life is having a hell of a time with literally anything it can and doesn’t seem to want my opinion or help. I feel like the most unwanted back seat driver in my own story. I know the end result will have been worth it and I will be better and all that bla bla bla stuff, but if I could make a request it would be just a little more understanding or insight so that Im not completely freaking out.

Why You Ask?

1. Being evicted after seven years because myself and 60 others were laid off for two months and rent got behind.
2. Three amazing kids that have only had me take care of them their entire lives and they don’t deserve this crap
3. No family support , both parents passed away and the rest of my family doesn’t seem to think Im their kind of person or whatever.
4. No help from my ex-husband ( like at all )
5. No assistance from the government because I made too much according to them
6. Got my job back at the same place just to still get an eviction notice and being put through hell at work with the way im treated so meanly ( Yes I told HR) still not fixed yet.

I know it all has purpose or lessons and there are other people that have it so much worse, but this is my version of worse for me and Im sitting here with only eight days left and still no clue what to do or where to go and what to even put up for sale or how to even start packing. Im looking at my youngest daughter sleep and I want to cry because I am the one in control of how their life goes right now and I don’t feel like I have any control at all.

To those who are not facing a worse version of life right now I ask you to stand in a moment of joy and send love to those who are not in your shoes so it can give them hope.

To those who are going through any version of hell I ask you not to give in even though it feels like it will never end I know it has no choice but to change course eventually right. Just hand in there and share your story with someone who may need to hear it and don’t be ashamed to say you were there.

Not knowing sucks, I hate not knowing and feeling so unsure scares the crap out of me.

Tomorrow is one day closer to the end of this ride of pain and then life and I are going to have to sit down to get some ground rules together since Im not ok doing the backseat driver thing and life can’t seem to stop so I can breath – I just want to freaking breath and give my kids something more to see in life than struggle, I want them to see hope, strength, joy, success and to see me smile. I want them to know pain is there to help you grow and not to be fearful of it. Now I just have to figure out how to not be scared of it my darn self.

All hopes and prayers are greatly appreciated…

Stories and/or comments are very welcomed so Im not feeling too alone in this…

~Jessica Faye
7-22-25