jessica-faye

June 2024

It’s funny bc as a kid growing up in the 80’s and 90’s it was more common to be disciplined for the things that seemed more insulting to adults versus actual bad behavior. Oh, we got our butts tore up for that as well, but the things that made adults look like they were not doing a good job at raising proper kids was the thing that sent them over the edge. I am not saying that it was not for good reason since the goal was to actually raise well behaved kids; I do think that some of the focal points could have been better reasoned. I mean I have often wondered if a lot of parents had gotten together in a meeting on principles to govern your kids by if they would even be able to make since of half of their own crap. The reason behind the mindset is the only thing that made the most since out of all their madness.

Common ways to be corrected on back talking were usually very aggressive even for the more collected adults bc like I said this one thing kinda just sent them over the edge. Most of the time I stayed really confused on the entire concept seeing as no one could help me understand what they meant by “back talking.” So many times I would be mad for getting in trouble again for talking back when all I did was ask a question after being told to do something. This connection lead me to believe that what adults thought was back talking had to be any sound that came out of a child’s mouth after an adult spoke giving them an order. A strong willed child like myself was often called stubborn bc I could not seem to not talk back. In time I slowly learnt to just pick and chose when to be more submissive and when it would be less damaging to push the logic all together.

So to clear this up it is my 100% adult opinion that the force behind the demand that children should never talk back is simply a form of insecurity that said adult feels like it has to force or demand its right to power. It goes hand in hand with the understanding that if a person KNOWS that they have a certain item or attribute then they nine times out of ten do not feel the need to prove it to anyone bc they KNOW its true. The same would go for the person who doesn’t truly have something they are claiming to have or they don’t think people will believe they have it bc they are not confident in it then they will go above and beyond to prove it or swear they can prove it but never do. If an adult has to exert so much power over a child, usually their own child, is usually due to a feeling of not having control in some way or another. It could even have nothing to do with the child and only that they feel like they have to prove their power to other adults bc they feel inadequate somehow.

*** This is all assuming that the child is your average youth and not a kid that is over the top disrespectful or causing trouble beyond normal kid mischief***

When adults say a child is talking back and the kid is simply asking a question about what the adult said to them and they are told to stop back talking and never get the question answered just leaves the child disconnected and confused. It is this mindset of adults that puts youth at a Hugh disadvantage in being able to have more clear understandings of the connections in certain relationships when they grow up. It distorts the power balance they grow up watching and doing themselves. When the whole time if adults could just put the pride down long enough to listen to their kids and then explain to them what it is that you are demanding and for what reason then their kids would be less likely to feel dismissed or ignored. It would give them a chance to understand the perspective of their authority and allow for better compliance by the child. Kids are not stupid and most of the time they know that half of the bull crap adults say to them out of their need to prove power is just ignorant and it causes such a division between them and a lack of trust too.

Our kids are supposed to be learning from us on how to be a parent or an adult or a business partner or a functioning person in society and when they are told to just shut up and listen bc we said so is the worst possible way to guide anyone and expect it to turn out positive. Who is it going to kill for a parent or adult to say “Johnny will you turn the tv down,” and when Johnny says, but why its not that loud?” They are not talking back or challenging your authority by asking this, most of the time if the adult would not reply with bc I said so and instead explain to them the actual why it would let the child see a perspective that they were not seeing. My head hurts, I’m on the phone, your dad just got home and had a long day… what ever the reason is why can’t it just be explained instead of leaving them confused on what they did by just over proving your the adult by saying bc I said so. Well, of course you said it I can see who is talking to me thinks Johnny, I was just wanting to understand the reason so maybe I can have a better understanding on how the things I’m doing effects other people.

I hope that children find out that there is no reason to over state your authority to a kid in moments that you are supposed to be teaching them and maybe they will have a better outcome with their children.

-jfCC-