jessica-faye

Most parents look at their children with a vision of how they will be, should be or hopefully can be. Our kids look at us like we are crazy or overbearing for looking at them like this. It seems to be one of the biggest reasons that the gap grows as our kids get older and realize that they can be who ever or whatever they want.

My hope in writing this is to show a perspective into a different way to approach this difference in opinions.

Parents View:

Yes we are very idealistic in how we see our kids. Oh, we think they are the cutest thing or the most polite. Forget it if they are good at anything that requires a group setting that will provide bragging rights, these parents are way to invested. We have these dreams sent up at their birth and will do anything to help them achieve them. It’s not that parents don’t hear their kids when they say “hey mom/dad I really don’t want to play this sport anymore or go to college doing it”; it’s just that there has been an identity attachment built between this dream and the parents that the child is now wanting to throw away. It is very hard sometimes to admit that you aren’t always doing it for your kids but for yourself through your kids.

Childs View:

At first if our dreams for them fit their personalities it isn’t really noticable that it’s not their ideas. Until, they try to put their spin on how it should really go and we have to stop and look this new idea over to see if it will work. That’s when everyone gets the idea as to who really wanted it this or that way. Our kids realize that we’re crazy and need to stop trying to live through them. It depends on how strong willed both are as to how it plays out .

However if both could just stop to think about the root cause of the ideals set in place and have a little love towards the other person then maybe it could be resolved without a broken relationship.

Key Points

Kids try to remember that it is hard for a parent to give up on a perfect plan they had for you for many reasons. Now they are not as involved in the creation of your future as we wanted to be and letting go of dreams dreamt for so long isn’t easy.

Parents try to understand that even if our kids act like they are going to screw things up big time, chances are that they won’t because they still have all the things you taught them plus you. It’s ok to let them have control over their future even if it makes no sense and then you can start thinking about new things for you to do. Like join an art class or start a sport yourself.

It wasn’t a waste of time dreaming for our kids just because they changed it; I mean what else were we going to do with all that time watching them grow but plan their future! Just be ok letting it go when they realize it’s their turn at creating their life.

:)-JfCC   4-24-24