As an adult myself, I have often wondered at exactly what time in most lives did people forget that they were a kid too and then one day they just wake up and now they are “THE ADULTS!” I do understand that of course everyone grows up and with that brings a whole new world and responsibilities. I do not understand though why most people let go of their truest most pure part of their identity.
Hi, my name is Jessica and I will happily admit that I am an adult who has raised my three kids for the better part of 13 years on my own with respect to the help of family in the beginning and their father and stepmom ( 💌 Love her ) on occasions when they were younger. As a stressed out single mom I would have expected myself to be on some high horse all the time or stupid strict that never listened to her kids perspective. Thank God I still look at my kids with complete wonder and desire to want to be their friend. I don’t want them to grow up too fast and feel overwhelmed by life, I want them to be who they are and I want to be included in their lives because I truly love the kind of people they are.
On the surface I am sure that most parents would just assume that it’s crazy to think it’s healthy to be your child’s friend and parent. If you take a few key principles into play then I will tell you that it is better for them and possibly you, to be friends also.
First, parents must obviously make it very clear without a haze of doubt in their kids minds that you are still the parent and you will be that in a moment flat should it call for it.
My mom always used to tell people that she put the fear of God in us early so we knew when not to push her
I’m not suggesting that you throw shit to the wind and act like a careless teenager. That would be a complete mess 🙂 , But establish an understanding within the bonds of your relationship and your kids will know the difference between mom mode and not mom mode.
I have always had people in my life tell me that I’m too nice to my kids or that I should not have to explain myself to them and so on. I like being nice to my kids, I like hanging out with my kids, and I do not mind taking a few minutes to explain things to my kids because if i don’t then who will. I want them to know that they can always come to me and have no fear as to the outcome. We will get to the discipline later you know, first I want to know what really happened even if it was really stupid or bad. I need them to trust me so that they will not hide things from me because then I’m losing a chance to help them grow.
If I could get parents to understand that kids are not stupid and they are not going to just walk all over you just because you are an understanding parent or because you hang out with them. Trust me that mom mode kicks in so fast in times you need it and everyone around will know you mean business. The only way being their friend will cause unruly behavior or unhealthy boundaries is if the parent does not set those boundaries or limits and if they are just not actively influencing their kids growth.
That is the whole reason I think it is often better to have a friendship with them so you have more chances to be actively guiding their lives. I would hate to know that my kids never tell me anything because that means they are being guided by something I have no control over. I need my kids to be able to make choices in life that are with respect to themselves and others and not be scared to tell the truth no matter how hard it may be.
Yes I have so much fun with my kids, I get to enjoy their personalities as they change, I get to stay included in their choices because they talk to me; sometimes it is after the fact but they will always still come to me without fear. I mean they are just kids and you are the adult, how bad can it be as long as you stay the adult.
Enjoy your kids while you can!
-jfCC
jessica-faye 
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