jessica-faye

Mar. 20,2020

A Plea for THE:

Take me and hear me oh Lord for my heart seeks your presence with its Glory that I have known. I beg of you to guide my steps, cleanse my soul so I may know your shelter again. These dark days have crept upon me as if meant for someone else, lies entered through the unknown way taking root before visible…You had not left me…this I had not known for my fears of failing you with weakness overtook my faith yet I cried out. Tears found my heart in the late hours of every night, I would ponder the day and feel pain, I would alas begin to read scripture and find thy relief admitting my failures and giving grace to your name. Sweat and burdens are so heavy to bear on a human heart so i seek after the truth yet only at dark, As day breaks my world with confidence of anew I began with high spirits knowing it be with you, fast or slow days had no mercy my strength to turn was not with in me, oh how I questioned why as my mind went blank as if all your wisdom was being stolen from me i could not say… nothing to grab as if vanishing for completion of sins acts. The pain was mixed with relief, the joy with dismay, the why not with why’s, the don’t tell with them all, the strength with the weakness as the light was deep in my soul yet the darkness seeped through my pores. Like a dark vail I was cloaked without control oh the pain it brings is so very heavy. My heart however is nothing it could touch belonging to my savior being guarded by my Father. This protection I had was not in my knowledge for the lies of the dark vail convaded only of my failures. My soul aches for thy relief praying for thy help just even a sliver of peace. Am I truly lost? I would wonder in grief, this can’t be it for I laid my life down at your feet! I confessed as told with humility in my heart as you led me for years we grew closer in heart. You were my friend whom I spoke to often as if life itself was set right when you were my only line of sight. How can this be? Did I really mess up that bad or my weakness brings shame to thy name causing my cry to pain your ear? Why then would your hand not engulf my life and protect me from the snare? Foolish to think that it all had no meaning, ignorant was I to not see your grace in control. Lacking knowledge required for growth a fatherly hand had to allow a stubborn child like myself to walk through some changes in which all had the Love and Guidance of you yet hide from my view. How scared I was Lord, to think you did not care, I felt an orphan begging to come home accepting any punishment deserving of my sins just please let me back in. 

(Truths I have in My heart)

While the pain is there the lies form in my head for you are the owner of my heart as you bought to be an heir. I seek and I learn from a passionate heart while my flesh is sinful my spirit is not. Thy will is over my life to strengthen my ways to fasten to the word to spread your glory and tell of your grace. This battle is strong in fighting for my heart but thy truth spoken over me will never fall apart. I am corrected ever so strongly when I stray too far, never out of your sight allowed only so far. I thank you for this God when I am forgetful to your will for I would surely allow my flesh to sink under a spell. Your Love is perfect and patient indeed for only a Father could Love a child as stubborn as me. You take me into your barn as the night fills the air to sit me down and let the day’s events fill the air. Oh the embarrassment is strong on my face for I was taught and I knew better than to go in my own ways. You stand so strong as I feel all my deeds coming like a heaviness bringing me to my knees. Instruction is sought by my free will as your hand lovingly holds me telling me to be still. Speaking your promises upon my heart so to refill me when the days are dark. One lesson at a time on this journey of mine for anything more would be a waste of your time. You are the owner of time as you guide my heart for your desire is value in content not amount ungotten. Allowing some rest you know all too well that a corrected heart becomes tired in its openness. Stay with me I beg… Please don’t let me go astray. The toils of the days are not thy way so allow me not to forget thy truth as I am nothing if not with you. Plans you have bigger than me, plans to prosper plans to set free. I am being trained up in the army of God so if pain is a lesson I shall endure, if sin must tempt me as I fall unwillingly grace will correct me till his purpose is complete. To stay in the mind is a lie for the weak, My God gave me the power and the authority to open my mouth and speak. Speak only his truth and speak it with fear so as not to lead wrongly those with a listening ear. Speak is not strong in me yet my boldness is what he is after, I learnt this after confirmation was shared at the appointed hour. Oh how I try with might be so frail , as my challenge being a heart to care, a balance to find is hard but true I must learn to love while speaking his truth. Who am I to spare the rod on any correction required by my God laid upon my heart with his authority of love: oh how weak I have been to fear mans’ opinion for unwanted hurt or conflict of thought places such destruction on my heart. It’s like a fire that burns to my soul, the emotions so intense yet I possess no control. Having seen the effects it brings with its heat the fast and unwanted sin has been my relief. I ask for understanding for wisdom and strength, there must be something to tame this beast. God spoke and told of the lion I must be; that he put it within my reach, Oh I have known of its existence since youth I can say with fear of its strength I hid it away. It’s quiet and calm with strength to its depth and when provoked I’m unable to control its steps. Hush Hush I tell it to be for how can this be of God when it feels so angry? Hushing it means hushing myself to avoid any tempers given of anyone else, it feeds this anger so fast it’s true so I pacify the world so as not to come unglued. My God tells me to correct if advised but lord when they resist this fury stirs inside so I withdraw my voice knowing the height of its ability is too powerful for man. It hurts to feel uncontrolling of oneself with no focus of outcome and no calming that comes at will. If my voice is your request yet you know my heart , teach me oh lord how do I speak with confidence and not react to resistance so I am not affected by the moment that causes fury instead of temperance. I know you have called me for strength by my meekness. I see with your promises of giving us all we shall need for any season I be in you alone to know what I need. Learn to me the ways of your heart for I see how you are master of your control, temper lies at your feet not stirred so easily as within me. Thy voice holds power as needs arise and will soften like a breeze to comfort and ease. If this be my guide I will fail to be assured; for strength to control such a Lion is most difficult yet my life has been called to your purpose and will so resting in you may i be filled .

-JfCC