jessica-faye

As soon as my first child was born I realized that the people in your life really want to direct almost ever choice you make about your child.

This may be done without even realizing it’s being done, but for the most part it has a complete awareness. It’s the mind set that “we know best” Because we are older; we have gone through this already thought. With the added side benefit of it’s my turn to do what my parents did to me! This confused me because I didn’t think that insisting you did things a certain way with your child was healthy if you truly didn’t want to do them.

Think about this: Most parent/child relationship change drastically as soon as you are on their level right? Until you have a child of your own and then you are right back down to the learning how to tie your shoes. Most parents silently feel they could have done better. Well, you just gave them that chance to do the better. As such, it becomes a tug of war between young mother wanting to do things different and the older mother wanting to do things different. Where do you think they lose track of what is actually better for the child without concern for their own pride?

The answer is when something as natural as wanting to hold your child turns into a reason needed formatting. A guilt felt so strongly it actually caused you to not pick them up. I have always wanted to fully understand exactly how any of that is doing better for anyone.

I loved holding my kids, I would hold them at any point they wanted, they demanded:), or that they needed. I didn’t stop and assess if it was a good time or if someone else would think they were spoiled. I thought of my child and only that since that is the only one my choice is truly going to impact. Who cares if I’m busy with something that can wait or if I’m on the phone! I became a parent to be there for them and enjoy the short time of raising them.

Fun Fact: kids that are held as much as possible in the first two years are a lot more likely to be brave and independent because they are shown love and support. Kids who are told “no” more than necessary or left to comfort themselves are the ones who have separation issues and self confidence problems and fears.

I promise you that your child is not going to want to be held at the age of ten so even six unless it’s at home maybe because they are full force once they figure their feet out.  Allow yourself to consider what is best for you and your child and no matter what that choice may be it is your choice. Yes older advice is beneficial as long as it doesn’t cause you to go against what you hold to be more  beneficial for your child.

-JfCC