jessica-faye

Every parent wants the best for their child even if it’s in a narcissistic way, but in whole it is a desired outcome that they “do better than we did.” I realize that some might not agree with this perspective and it is their right.

Lets define what I mean by “bad!”- I am not referring to a kid that wants to steal cars or rob banks OK. This isn’t shameless and we aren’t raising another Carl. I am talking about those kids that just push your buttons or cause your kids to push boundaries. The not bad kids just not good enough to be your kids friends. The ones we swear one day we are going to put our foot right up their ***, well you know.

THOSE KIDS!

#1- “The preacher’s daughter”… This is very common in homes that have such firm boundaries placed on their kids’ upbringing that they have very little if any wiggle room. In such those kids have been known to not maintain a level head once life actually hits them. When they are no longer at the age you can govern their every move and they never had the chances to do or taste or play; and they are at an older age where the games are not as innocent. Its like letting your kid eat so much crap at a sleep over that you know is not good for them at all. Its a way of letting them push that boundary just enough to fulfill a desire of freedom or bad behavior that not one human could pretend not to have. Letting these small events happen when you are still the main influence over your kid allows you to guide while you are still in the know about their lives. Lets face it, being clueless as to what our kids are truly up to is a scary feeling.

#2- Keeps you on your toes… Lets not lie that we kinda like the excitement even if in the moment it’s not always a positive one. A little kid drama keeps you young and gives us another chance to PARENT our kids. If our days were always smooth sailing and we didn’t have to actually parent then we basically would be living with tiny bums lol. Its the chances that are usually not positive that let us sculpt our kids.

#3- They provide growth… We should know by now that growth only comes from a somewhat painful experience. Not being dramatic here , but literally if the body or brain doesn’t have an unpleasant feeling about something then it doesn’t feel the need to grow beyond said thing. So when its 3 am and you are trying to figure out why these kids thought it would be a good idea to egg the school house; instead of flipping out completely just remember that you have very few chances to implant real advice before the world really takes over.

#4- Keeps you in the loop… If you have this ideal child rearing picture in your mind and you are determined to give your kids only healthy and good influences then you are setting your kid up for a harder reality. If you think that the kids at school aren’t influenced by the things the other not so good kids are doing then you are not paying attention. Letting them have that one friend that can keep you up to date on the in and out of your kids world is going to help you know more about what those other influences are. Like I am so noisy with my kids and they know this shoot their friends know it too. I will just ask some of the nosiest questions and do not care if they think its crazy. Its usually in a very upbeat comedy style while at the same time holds very much seriousness to still get a response. My kids are so used to this that now they beat me to my questions before I even ask.

#5- Different styles… Letting your kids only have the ”perfect friend” is also not letting them get different views into their own personality. Not one human is with out flaw or some kind of aspect that isn’t so commonly understood. Letting your kids uncover this stuff early will make it easier to better know themselves more fully and with you still an overseer of their growth mindset.

#6- Defining boundaries… Not everything that the bad influencing friend wants to do will sound like a good idea to your kid. When they have chances that give them a opportunity to decide who they want to be in that moment it grows them and teaches them how to set boundaries. I had this friend growing up and I was considered the good friend of the two but we did everything together and I quickly learned that just b/c she wanted to do something that I didn’t agree with did not mean we couldn’t be friends. I just didn’t participate in those things and would usually nag her about her choice or just learn from her choices more about my personal morals. I have some really good and crazy memories with her and I love my mom for letting me be friends with her.

#7- Lets you see your kids true kid colors… People change; your kid will grow up and so I wont say their true colors b/c they aren’t who they are going to be yet. I know that parents who are never willing to see that their kid does anything bad or mean or disapproved of are the ones that benefit from these kids a lot. If your kid does ever do anything that you Dem bad behavior then you are more likely going to see it come out when these friends are around. That is not to say that the friend made your kid do said thing b/c that is usually not the case, but your kid is more likely to feel comfortable around this friend to do things they don’t let you know about. This is not a chance to blame the friendship without knowing the situation either. You are not supposed to be grooming a soldier for perfect behavior, you are supposed to be loving a little person even in their bad behavior.

#8- Lets you get some dominance in :)… Some parents over do the bitch bitch bitch angle, like OK we get it your miserable but crap already. They do not need any extra motivation. Those that are like me however, who doesn’t feel the need to cuss or yell at my kids every time you turn around, could use those times. It feels good to put a foot down and full force expression mode that says if you even think about pushing me in this moment its going to get real ugly. You know the chance to remind them that there will always be someone above them in some way that should be shown respect. I think its kinda cute to see the shift in attitude when everyone is so quite wondering what is this woman going to do to us! Its a mild twisted since of humor but it serves a purpose and makes me smile. Win Win.

#9- Grow your understanding… If your kid has a friend that you really don’t agree with then more times than not you are not going to find your self wanting to go hang out with their families either. You should get to know them however and if you let it give you a bigger understanding of the world and the different situations we all come from. Weather good or bad you can show your kid how to accept the differences of people with an open mind.

#10- The benefit of forgiveness… It is hard sometimes to love or forgive the person that just got your kid kicked out of school for fighting, or got them drunk at a party, or encouraged them to date behind your back. Forgiving them is not excusing the behavior or forgetting the consequences; it is showing your kid and their friend a character trait that is hard to develop when its never shown to you.

You can keep your kid as safe as life lets you, but instead of trying to block out things or people b/c your scared of the outcome isn’t fair. If you as a parent are showing your kid by a living example of what you expect from them then trust that even if they don’t show it to you the things they are taught are in them. Let them grow and be there to help them not point your finger at them or belittle their choices. You wanted your parents to understand you right, so understand your kids now and let them learn.

~Maybe if your lucky you can have more of an influence on their friend and impact their life too~

Jessica Faye Cabrera Couoh 3-30-24